Bad Day to Be Boogie (and Bonnie)

I was startled awake at 4:30 a.m. by Boogie crying and spinning in circles at my bedside. Before I was even conscience enough to comprehend the ruckus and the strange burnt chemical smell in the air, John called it. Boogie got skunked.

We both popped out of bed, but what the heck do you do with a skunked dog? Commonsense would say don't let her run circles through the house and periodically drop to the ground and writhe around like she's been maced. Too late there.

Should you find yourself in a similar situation here's how to handle it with poise and dignity.

1. Feel like a total scumbag as you refuse to cuddle and comfort your traumatized animal who wants nothing more than to cower at your feet.

2. Chase said animal through the house as she ping pongs out of control. Finally, baby gate her in the kitchen.

3. Googled how to de-skunk a dog.

4. Sink into despair as you realize you do not have tomato juice or peroxide and they won't unroll the sidewalks in your small town for another 2 hours and oh-my-god-that dog-smells.

5. Snap into action and attempt de-skunking step one: blot dog with paper towels to remove excess skunk oil pre-bath.

6. Try to cheer yourself when you realize there is no excess oil; your dog must have received an indirect hit (perhaps through the fence?) albeit an indirect hit straight in the face. Despite now feeling like you yourself have been maced, this could be worse!

7. Sink back into skunk fume induced despair as you convince yourself (curse you new Google knowledge!) that your dog could be blind from this face on hit.

8. Go to the living room and call the emergency vet line.

9. Clear head in time to tell answering service to NOT wake the vet at 4:30 in the morning, and settle for just checking the opening time.

10. Snap back into action, and strip down naked (Google told me to!)

11. Whisk the dog into the bath where you scrub her down twice, as if that's not bad enough convince dog she is being drowned as you water-board attempt to wash her face.

12. Open all the windows in the house and try to go back to bed. Fail miserably because your house now reeks of skunk. Tell yourself it could have been worse.

13. Wake up 2 hours later, tell yourself the dog and house don't smell that bad and head to the vet.

14. Pick up the vet approved de-skunk miracle recipe. Sink into despair when the tech explains that you won't be able to get enough of it on her face to de-skunk that area.

15. Stop at 2 different stores to pick up supplies. Return home to resume puppy torture.

16. Realize you were wrong about the house not smelling too bad.

17. Wash the dog again in Head and Shoulders, let soak 5-10 minutes. Dip dog in icy cold mixture of 1 quart peroxide, 1/2 cup baking soda, 1 tablespoon dish soap.

18. Feel like a complete scumbag as your dog loses all faith in humanity and begins crying non-stop.

19. Congratulate yourself when you realize that except for her muzzle the dog smells pretty ok.

20. Spend the next 12 hours sweating it out with every window open as you scrub floors, cover every soft surface in Frebreeze and burn more incense and candles than a Wiccan on Halloween because evidently, that's all you CAN do.